Love! The endearing emotion that survived centuries and generations. Once upon a time, men lost their kingdoms for love, forfeited their crown to be with the woman they loved. Battles were fought, cities were burnt down, lovers buried alive, yet love emerged triumphant! We embraced love, wooed our beloved, courted love, sometimes even knowing that it was doomed. So many beautiful poems and pieces of literature revolve around love and unrequited love.

As we move into the great 2020s, we continue to love and lose, we continue to woo. A lot however has changed with technology, with the world moving digital. Be it love or dating (modern equivalent to courtship), it has moved online. Instead of kingdoms and battles, young people often lose money to online frauds preying on love or loneliness of the generation now. First there were matrimonial sites, then came the dating apps which are now often referred to as ‘hook-up apps’. Technology is adding a new edge to these apps every day. So has love seized to exist, maybe it has in the way we once imagined it to be…?

I have once used these apps myself and was fortunate enough to meet somebody wonderful. But a lot has changed since then I am told. Stories of online dating that I hear about from my younger colleagues piqued my curiosity. 

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I am talking to my 20-year-old colleague Riti Chakraborty on her experiences and views on love and dating.

1. Why online? Don’t you meet young people offline?

It is not about being online. I like meeting new people in whichever way possible. Online dating sites streamline the whole process of meeting since I don’t go out often and socialise with other people, I don’t have the time.

• Which are the popular dating apps now?

There are a lot of them. Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Happn, OK cupid and the list goes on. My personal favourite is Hinge. Since it involves an extensive process of putting down prompts to simplify meeting new people, there is a lot of information available and it becomes easier to figure out various conversation starters.

• Tell me about your experiences

I have had mixed experiences. I had not started online dating till a year back. In the beginning I had a hard time letting myself go and meet random, new people. However, some of the guys I had talked to, have remained friends till date. It got easier with time and I personally feel it has added to my self-confidence. Meeting new people, getting to know them has had an effect on me as a person and I feel I can talk easily to new people now.

• I have heard about phrases like cat fishing and ghosting frequent associated with online dating. What do they really mean? Have you ever had such experience?

Online dating comes with its own set of random experiences. I have been ghosted, catfished, I have stood up boys, there is a lot to talk about. The one time I was catfished, I was supposed to meet a really cute guy and imagine my horror when a random person who looks vaguely like the boy I had been talking to, showed up! He couldn’t even speak proper English and was showing off his BMW for no reason. I stayed on for the first 15 minutes and had to put my perfectly healthy mother in the hospital (virtually) in front of him in order to get out of this debacle! It was a horrible end to my weekend.

• Do you think it’s possible to find someone you want to be with through these sites?

I think anything can happen. People change all the time. I feel it is possible to meet someone I would want to be with through online dating. My last relationship started out on Instagram, so I can’t complain!

• Sometimes online dating/chatting/sexting continue for months online. People are not interested in connecting offline. Why does that happen?

I honestly don’t know. It could be a number of things. Maybe they are insecure, or maybe they don’t want a physical relationship. It sounds absurd but many relationships also thrive virtually! I am not one of them, but I feel people who are not keen on meeting up physically just want someone to be there for them emotionally or mentally, and that’s the extent of their virtual relationship.

• Your views on love and relationship.

I think the moment you declare ‘I have stopped looking for Love, I have stopped believing in Love, I do not want to be with anyone for a prolonged period of time’, love finds you. I have heard the same story from a number of my friends. The moment they stopped looking for love, they found someone worthwhile. On the other hand, relationships have become extremely flexible. There are polyamorous people who have multiple relationships at the same time, there are open relationships, there is the old school relationship, there are virtual relationships, relationships with 3 people at the same time, and so on and so forth. I think people just want their peace of mind, be it with one person or a few. The saying that ‘you cannot love 2 people at the same time’ is rapidly changing. My generation is more self-aware, more confident about themselves at the same time extremely dependent on other people. My own beliefs have changed over time, from being a one-man woman, to only wanting to date exclusively, to only talking and having fun with random people, I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I have not pinned my hopes down for a fairy-tale anymore.

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• Any advice, or word of caution for people seeking to date online

One should be extremely cautious of the people they talk to. Do as much background research as possible and check all their social media info. It becomes easy to spot catfishers and fake accounts once you get the hang of it. They have a certain way of talking, certain pictures etc that can be spotted with a little attention to detail. Online dating is fun and all but it can be a bit dangerous too. So a little caution and safety nets should always be at hand.