Have you ever faced this! You have so much to say but don’t know how to put it across. The ideas, the words, come to you but the moment you open your laptop they jumble, tumble and refuse to fall in line. And you don’t know how to put it across, don’t know whether it will make sense. On top of it the pressure to write – the weekend deadlines that I have set for myself to write a new post. I feel guilty if I don’t, even if my readers don’t notice 😊
For the last few days, I have been opening my laptop brimming with ideas, after a few sentences deleting it all and walking away. I sit quietly then for a while and try to jot something on my phone. When that doesn’t work just watch a new show on an OTT platform. And these shows, though cliched at times, give me ideas. More ideas just tumble on the already existing ones and create a knotty mish mash. Trust me I have been trying to unravel the knot. But since that’s not happening, I am trying to translate my mishy mashy knot into a new post.
Do I write about how unwrapping gifts excite me or the many hues of winter? Or do I write about how silly it is and insensitive to confuse ‘alone’ with ‘lonely’?
Those gift boxes wrapped in coloured paper. Admiring the beautiful wrapping papers and wondering what’s inside? And finally the joy of carefully opening the wrap to unravel what’s inside. Yes, I am always careful about wrapping paper. I used to fold them and keep them carefully and no, I never reused them. They were as important to me as the gifts I received.
I have been lucky with gifts. My family and friends shower me with beautiful gifts. Now, before getting me a gift they usually ask what I want. Sometimes we go shopping together. A sensible thing to do you see, even I do the same. But the wrapping paper is lost, that happy excitement, while you are wondering what’s inside, is lost. This is called growing up, probably. Only children get colourfully wrapped gifts.
December and approaching Christmas and so many shows that I have watched on gift shopping and packing and secret Santa are making me yearn for these wrapped up gifts. At times, the gift could have been mildly disappointing, though I was taught to smile and thank graciously. Now I get the gifts I want now but the mystery is lost!
That’s something about December, it brings back memories. It’s nostalgic, lazy, vibrant, colourful, sometimes regretful and optimistic at the same time. December takes me back to my childhood, those misty mornings when we would walk to the bus stop and those soft sunny days, those long winter breaks, lazy, busy, being pampered with so many goodies – fresh date jaggery (khejuri gur) and many delicacies made out that gur, home-baked cakes for Christmas & New Year. My heart craves for a winter break.
Winter makes me romantic. Maybe because it’s cold and we crave warmth, maybe it’s a great time to hang around. My heart craves a beautiful love story.
And then, winter can be annoying, especially when people confuse ‘being alone’ for ‘being lonely.’ A stereotype reinforced by so many holiday films and shows – from the classics While You Were Sleeping and Holiday to many lesser-known movies and series that we gorge on, especially in December. I enjoy them no doubt but the pressure of finding Mr Right or the assumption that ‘if you are single, you are miserable,’ irks me. And what upsets me the most is that people, especially women nearing or over thirty try to fit into those stereotypes. But more on this later, my ideas seem to be tumbling right.
For now, just a few bits and pieces. I guess it’s okay to be confused at times. Jumbling, tumbling, falling all over is not so bad. It makes sense after all and I enjoyed translating it into a post!