I took a break – from writing, from thinking, from planning ahead. There was chaos all around me, the chaos that incapacitated me and challenged me. And in that chaos, ideas kept popping up and passing through – sad, grave and philosophical. I pondered upon them momentarily and then they slipped away. There were too many ideas fleeting by, but such was my state of mind that I couldn’t really latch on to them and develop those into a piece or a poem.

I gave up for a while. I haven’t written anything for over two months now. For if I did attempt to, it may have been incoherent or too dark. Some of you may have noticed, some may have not. Though writing makes me feel good and I tell myself that I write for me, in some corner of my heart sleeps a writer who craves to read – a vanity that I can’t deny.  

Out of chaos Lord Brahma had created this world, but he needed the wisdom and imagination of the white Goddess Saraswati to do so. I guess I was too much in the midst of chaos, therefore I couldn’t perceive Saraswati’s wisdom or imagination. Perhaps it’s all about distancing oneself from the chaos and accepting all the crazy terrible things happening. Be it one misstep that confined me to bed for over two months or losing someone dear in a matter of hours. The cruel joke that fate plays on us at times makes us feel so powerless.

But then,  we were never told that life would be easy. It’s not a smooth sail, there are supposed to be sudden storms and waves that may blow us apart. It’s probably all about facing the challenge and whatever is thrown our way. There are times when the people we love and assume will be there by our side forever are snatched away from us, without giving us time to prepare for that loss. We will never be ready for that kind of loss.  Eventually, we will have to accept it or the trauma of it and move on. It’s all about letting go and not giving up.

Only when we take that first step ahead, no matter how difficult it may be, that we enable ourselves to perceive and shape something beautiful out of that chaos. As they say, once the storm is over you won’t be the same person who walked in.

In some ways, this chaotic storm was good for me. It changed me for the better I hope, made me perceive things differently. And most importantly I am stronger for all hurdles it threw my way. My plans may have all been thrown awry, but I am ready to march ahead. I am ready to embrace living and make the most of what I have. What I have lost will remain in my memories and the pang of sadness will eventually numb to sweet melancholy.

For when life comes to a halt, the most important lesson it teaches us is to live to the fullest and not merely survive!